Imposter Syndrome
Some days, it feels like a heavy black cloud pressing against my chest, making it hard to breathe. Everything seems impossible, and I feel trapped—paralyzed by the mountains of doubt looming ahead. I’ve come so far…but why am not where I want to be yet? What more can I do? Besides ruminate.
Well…I found the answer: painting. Or honestly…just a hobby. Anything that releases me from the binds of experience, expectations, and standards from myself. I put a lot into tattooing. It’s a circus of love and responsibility. But it can be exhausting. Not being as good as I want to be and knowing what I have to do to get there is a lot. The bar is already so high. And you know what they say about that. The higher you fly, the harder you fall. I’m not afraid to continue to pursue personal growth and achieve great things. But I do want a break from it.
Taking on painting has allowed me to just be me. I get to have fun with a brand new medium. I feel like a little kid again. Painting is hard, the medium I picked? Even harder. But it’s so satisfying to feel so free. I don’t care that my landscapes give “costal grandma” vibes -quoted from a friend. I don’t care if you like it. I don’t care if I can’t sell it. That’s not the point. The process is.
Thank god for that.
I hope that if you’re struggling to dig yourself out of the endless pit of “I am not really that person.” I encourage you to find something to do, where you actually aren’t.
Go be bad at something. It’s good for you, I promise.